The Faerie Stone

The Faerie Stone

12 March-21 November 1991

21 years old

Valorie walked to the end of the pier, stooping to pick up tiny snail shells the seagulls had picked clean and discarded. The sky was leaden, and the waves were high and white-capped. She heaved a heavy sigh and rested her elbows on the guardrail as the wind whipped her pale hair to and fro across her face, into her eyes and mouth. The crashing waves sprayed a fine mist over her, enshrouding her. She fondled the small faerie stone she wore on a leather thong around her neck, remembering where it came from.

It was early spring and Val and Chris were walking along the beach on a cloudy, cold day. They walked on the sand, holding hands, laughing, kissing, and sharing the secrets of their lives.

“Oh my God!” Chris cried, stopping to pick up a small rock with a hole going right through it. “Look, it’s a faerie stone!”

“A faerie stone? What’s that?”

He smiled, fingering it gently as he explained. “A faerie stone is a rock found near the water—any water, a stream, and ocean, a lake—with a naturally formed hole in it. They’re really hard to find. Usually, you’re supposed to look for them in a streambed. Anyway, they’re called faerie stones because supposedly, faeries leave them for certain people to find, people they decide they like and want to help, and they bring good luck and protection against evil. I’ve been looking for one since I was a kid.”

He stopped and turned to her.

“Here, it’s yours. You can have it.”

He held it out for Val to take. It was an offering. A token of his affection for her. Val realized this and could not refuse him. It was at this moment that she believed that she could never refuse anything of him. She watched as he took a leather thong from around his neck. He removed the amulet that hung there, slipping it into his pocket, and threaded the thong through the faerie stone, knotting it. He pulled her close and slipped it over her head.

“Thank you…” she whispered and bent her head to look at it.

He took her head in his hands, tilting it up, his lips meeting hers first tenderly, then growing with intensity as she responded to his kiss.

In this same spot, exactly one year later, she and Chris broke up. Val could not forget the hurt she felt, and the anger, for having been dumped, discarded. “I still want to be friends,” he explained to her, as if that made everything better. But she did not want to be his friend. And now, with the new school year begun, she was unable to bring herself to be civil to him. He could be dead, for all she cared. She would have been happy if she never saw him again, but she knew this was impossible. She knew also that if she were to gain inner peace, if she wanted to be happy with any other man, she would have to reconcile her feelings about Chris within herself.

She wiped the tears from her eyes with cold fingers. “Oh God,” she muttered. “What am I going to do?”

At that moment, a warm body pressed against her back, and strong arms snaked protectively around her waist. A face nuzzled her neck, and dark hair brushed her face. She leaned back a little, resting her weight against the strong, competent body. She turned her face into his hair, now a mixture of light and dark, their hair tousled and mingled together in the whipping wind. She breathed deeply, taking in its sweet fragrance. “Mmm…” she murmured softly.

Turning to face him, she closed her eyes and leaned now against the guardrail, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck. But when she opened her eyes, she stood embracing a phantom, the wind, nothing.

She turned again, abruptly, and gazed out at the roiling waves. Strands of hair stuck where her face was wet with tears. She lifted her face to the ocean spray.

“Oh, Christ,” she sighed. “What happened to us?”

***

After completing her midterm exam, Valorie walked through the quad, confident that she had done well. Except for the constant drizzle of rain, the campus was still, temporarily deserted but for an occasional student. An insuppressible smile played on her lips. She felt she could overcome any obstacle, conquer the world, and touch the stars.

Just as she reached the front steps of her dorm, an open window in the building across the street caught her eye. Her heart trip-hammered and her breath caught in her throat as she walked across the street. Standing beneath the window, shaking slightly with nervousness, Val took a deep breath and braced herself.

“Paul?” she called in a small, timid voice. There was no answer as she stood in the chill rain. But just as she was to turn away, a tow-headed, bespectacled figure appeared in the window.

“Oh my God!” he cried. It was Tony, Paul’s roommate.

“What? What is it?” demanded a voice from the depths of the room.

Tony moved to make way for another blond figure. Paul, himself. The two roommates were best friends, and although each came from a different part of the country, they looked enough alike that they were often mistaken for brothers.

“Oh my God!” Paul exclaimed. “Val-or-ie, what’re you doing here?”

“Hi, Paul.” She loved the way he said her name, and his smile that was a little too broad.

“Hey, this reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. ‘Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?’” He stretched his arms down, reaching for her. “Come here. I’ll pull you up.”

Val stepped back involuntarily. “No, that’s okay.”

“Hey, did you eat lunch, yet?”

“Uh, no. I haven’t.”

“Are you going to?”

“No, I haven’t planned—”

“Well, come eat with us. We’re going down, now.”

“Uh, okay…”

“We’ll meet you down there.” Paul vanished from the window.

Val turned and walked to the back door in the basement of the all-male dorm to wait for Paul and Tony to wander out. Spying an open utility closet, Val stepped into it, out of sight to passersby. She stood waiting, listening for the men’s voices and telltale footsteps. The scent of her new leather jacket was overwhelming in the small space. She suppressed a wild giggle that bubbled to the back of her throat and felt a sudden need to pee.

“Oh my God. I can’t believe this is happening,” she said over and over to herself, a mantra lost in a world of crossed legs and nervous giggles. Never before had Paul asked her to lunch, or anywhere else, for that matter.

The door opened, and Paul and Tony appeared from the entrance.

“Hey, were did she go?” wondered Paul.

“I don’t know,” said Tony.

Val stepped out directly behind Tony as the door closed behind them, its loud bang masking the sound of her scurrying feet. As the three of them walked out the door, Val tried to walk as quietly as possible.

“Maybe she’s out front…” Tony suggested.

They walked to the front.

“Well, maybe she thought we’d meet her in the caf?”

Paul grumbled an incoherent reply. He was moody that way.

Just then, Val burst into laughter, unable to hold back any longer. The boys turned around and stared at her in astonishment.

“Where were you?” they asked in unison.

“I’ve been behind you all this time!”

Grabbing the sleeve of her jacket, Paul pulled her toward him. “Get over here!” He cradled Val’s head in the nook of his arm and gave her a noogie. “I’ll teach you to do that, again!”

Val screamed in delight and ran off to the cafeteria as the boys chased after her.

In the back of her mind, thoughts of Chris resonated just behind her consciousness, like the deep bass of a distant drum.

“Do you think Paul likes you?” Val’s roommate asked over dinner that evening.

“I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it. Why do you ask?”

“I was just wondering.”

“Tara, there must be a reason why you asked. Do you think he likes me?”

“Well, the thought had entered my mind…” Tara grinned.

Val narrowed her eyes. “Do you think he likes me or not?”

Tara paused, choosing her words carefully. “I think there might be a good chance that he does.”

Val tried to suppress a smile, but failed, and it crept slowly across her face.

“Hmm, I see the idea appeals to you somewhat, Val-or-ie.”

“Shut up. …Do you really thing he does?”

“I said there’s a good chance that he does. Why else would he act so goofy around you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he acts goofy around everybody.”

“Well, when he comes to the table at breakfast or dinner, it’s perfectly clear that he’s there to see you, not me. He practically ignores me. I think he likes you.”

“I don’t know, maybe you’re right. I don’t know. If he does, he certainly has a funny way of showing it.”

Tara sighed. “Fine, don’t take my word for it. You’re impossible. And stop thinking about Chris, by the way. He’s an asshole.”

Val laughed and threw a piece of lettuce at her friend. “Leave me alone, you. Quit giving me a hard time. And I wasn’t thinking about Chris.”

“Of course not.”

Val looked at her roommate and closest friend, suppressing her own sigh. Chris. It always came down to him, every time. Oh, when will it all end, she wondered, helplessly.

“Hello, Val-or-ie!” called a voice from behind her. Hands slipped over her eyes, and Val giggled self-consciously. Grabbing the hands, she pulled them away and craned her neck to see the person behind her, though she knew whose face she would see.

“Hi, Paul.”

There touch lingered as Paul pulled a chair beside Val’s and sat down. She was very aware that their knees were touching.

“What’s shakin’, bacon?”

“Umm, not much. Tara and I were just talking about you.”

“Oh? And what were you ladies saying about me?”

“Well, why don’t you sit in the middle of the table so we can see you better, and you can listen in, okay?” Val had stolen that line from her roommate. It felt awkward and foreign coming from her own mouth.

“Yeah, sure. I stop by to say hello, and you abuse me. Go ahead. I’m a martyr. I can take it.”

“What’re you doing this weekend?” Val asked.

“Well, Tony and I were going to go bowling tonight. Want to come with?”

Tara answered immediately. “I’m not doing anything, and I know Val isn’t either. Sure, we’ll go. What time?”

Val shot Tara a panicked look. Tara looked back blandly.

“How’s eight o’clock sound?” Paul suggested. “We’ll meet you downstairs in front of our window.”

“Sounds great!” beamed Tara. “See you then.”

Paul left the table and waved. When he reached the exit, he turned around and shouted from across the cafeteria, “Bye, Val-or-ie!”

Val waved back to him.

“You’re blushing, Val,” Tara teased.

“I am not.”

“You are, and you haven’t stopped grinning since he sat down.”

“Shut up! Leave me alone! Why did you accept for us? He was asking me, you know. I could have done just fine by myself.”

“I know you, and I know that you would have just sat there grinning like an idiot. I had to do something before you embarrassed us both. Besides, I didn’t think you’d accept.”

“I would have…!” Val protested.

“Not before the turn of the century. You have a tendency to lose your mind when it comes to Paul, you know.”

Val sighed. “I guess you’re right.”

“I’m always right. C’mon, let’s go get ready.”

“But it’s only six o’clock.”

“I think we’re going to need the extra time to get you to start moving. C’mon, let’s go. I think I see Kevin coming our way. If he catches us, we’ll be here forever. I’m not in the mood for his brainless chit-chat.”

Tara pulled Val out of her seat and Val followed her reluctantly out of the cafeteria.

Late that night, lying in bed, Val tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep.

“Val, you’re keeping me awake. Stop thinking about it and go to sleep.”

“Did you have a good time, tonight?”

“Oh, God. Fer Chrissakes. You know I did. But I don’t think I had nearly as much fun as you did.”

“Oh my God. I really embarrassed myself.”

“You did not.”

“Tara, he went to kiss me and I started laughing. Right in his face! I didn’t mean to, it just happened.”

“Val, I’m sure he understands. Things like that happen, you know…”

“Yeah, only to me. God, I’m such a geek! You’d think I’d never had a boyfriend before. You’d think I’d be able to exhibit some self-control and retain a little dignity. But what do I do? I go and make an utter fool of myself. God!”

“Well, I have a feeling you’re going to get a chance to redeem yourself.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

Val sighed.

“Go to sleep, will you? Stop thinking about it, you’re keeping me awake. Don’t forget I have to go to work tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Goodnight.”

“G’night, Val-or-ie.” Tara made a wet, noisy kissing sound.

“I’m ignoring you.” But Val was smiling in the darkness.

Another hour passed before she finally fell asleep.

One day the following week, Val was walking back from class. She was finished for the day and relieved that her midterms were finally over and done with. As she walked, her eyes fixated on a face, and in the back of her mind she knew that she should recognize this person. But she was so immersed in her thoughts that she failed to identify him immediately.

Her eyes widened, and her heart beat wildly. Her palms broke out in a sweat.

“Oh my God,” she whispered.

It was Chris.

She did not know what to do. She was at a loss. She weighed her options and decided to duck into the next building, hoping that he did not notice her.

She ran up the steps, pushing herself into the throng of students massed at the doorway. She risked a glance behind and saw that Chris had followed her inside, calling her name.

“Val! Hey, Val! Wait up! Val…!”

She ignored him, attempting to escape into a random classroom, but he caught her arm.

“Val, what’s the matter? Didn’t you hear me calling you?”

“Umm… Uh, no. I didn’t. I’m sorry.” She looked away.

“I didn’t know you had a class here, right now. I’ve never seen you here before…”

“Uh, well…” She searched for an excuse. “Well, I don’t. I’m waiting for a friend. We’re going to lunch.”

She forced herself to look into his eyes, realizing too late that the cafeteria had closed and hour before. Her heart beat hard and fast. She struggled for breath and could hard speak. She was sure that she would fall into a dead heap on the floor very soon.

He smiled, and a knowing look crept into his face.

“Waiting for a friend? Hmmm. And who might this be?”

It infuriated her to know that she could not hide her nervousness from Chris, to let him know what he did to her inside, and that by doing so, she gave him an infinite amount of control over her. She struggled to turn her anxiety into resentment.

“It’s none of your goddamned business!” The fierceness of her words surprised them both.

He stepped away from her, his brow furrowed in confusion. Despite the momentary surge of satisfaction she felt for evoking such an effect on him, Val was almost immediately sorry for being so harsh. She wanted to say something, to reach out and touch him, to comfort him and sooth away the pain she had caused, however minute or trite it might have been.

But something within her spoke to her and told her to remain silent. She was still, fighting her impulses, looking down at their feet.

“Okay. Fine. Whatever.” Chris turned away. Then, caught in a moment of indecision, his hand found his forehead and came back down. His feet turned away from her, then brought him round again. He looked at her, his brow still furrowed, his confusion turning to frustration. His mouth opened, then closed. Finally, he spoke.

“I’m going to be late for class. Later. Maybe.” He shook his head and walked away.

Valorie watched him walk down the hallway taking long angry strides, is leather overcoat flaring out behind him. She looked down and away.

“Shit.”

She retreated out the door, fighting the flow of bodies hurrying inside and the tears that threatened to fall.

When the phone rang that night, Tara ran from the bathroom.

“I’ll get it!” she called out. She rushed past Val, her hands still wet and soapy, and picked up the phone. “Hello? Oh hi, Tony.”

She looked significantly at Val, who raised her head from her book.

“Oh sure. Yeah. Okay. We’ll be here. Bye!” She hung up the phone. “Well, Val-or-ie, it looks as if we’ll be having some company tonight!”

Val’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You mean both of them? Here?”

Tara nodded.

“BOTH of them?”

“You bet.” Tara’s eyes glinted mischievously.

“Oh God, Tara. No. I can’t...” Val rose from her chair and paced back and forth. “Oh my God. Tara, how could you?” She paused, then turned to her friend very slowly. “You didn’t plan this, by any chance, did you?”

Tara squealed, jumping up and down, clapping her hands like an excited child.

“Oh, how I love this! You two would be perfect together, you know. Even Tony thinks so! God, I’m so good!”

Val shrieked and charged after Tara, chasing her around the apartment.

Laughing, Tara yelled to her pursuer, “They’re o their way right now. You better get ready! Tony said they’d be here in about ten minutes!”

Val stopped and ducked into the bathroom. “Just remember, old friend. You’ll get yours!” But she was smiling as she said this, and closed the door behind her. Paul was coming, and that all that mattered at the moment.

When they arrived, the four of them stood around exchanging pleasantries until Tara took Tony’s hand and led him to the door.

“We’re going for a walk. We’ll be back in a little while.”

Val looked at her, an expression of profound disbelief covering her face.

Tara laughed and pushed Tony out the door. “See you two later.”

When they were alone, Val looked at Paul hopelessly.

“Well… Oh, God. I’m sorry, why don’t you sit down? Can I get you anything to drink?”

Before he could answer, she was in the kitchen, her head buried in the refrigerator. Her voice sounded muffled.

“We’ve got beer, some wine… Oh, Tara’s got some milk here. Yuck. I don’t think you want that.” She withdrew her head. “That’s about it. I can make some Kool-Aid, if you want. Oh no, wait. I think she used all the sugar last week. Well, we’ve got water…” She was in the living room again. “What would you like?”

He smiled.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“Nothing. Some water would be fine.”

She gave him an odd look and retreated to the kitchen. The tap was running when she asked if he wanted ice with his water.

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

Val rummaged through the freezer for a moment.

“Sorry, we don’t have any of that, either. We ran out the other day, and I forgot to make some more.” She felt her face grow hot as she handed him the glass of water. “Sorry.”

He smiled and suggested that they sit down.

She cleared her throat. “I guess I’m a little nervous.”

“Really? How come?”

“I don’t know. You make me nervous. I get really dopey and stupid around you. I feel like I’m in high school again.”

Then, it seemed as if a dam opened and her words poured out of her in a flood. “It’s not like I haven’t had a boyfriend or been in a relationship before. I know how to handle myself, just not around you. I don’t know what my problem is. With Chris and all, I just wish he’d drop off the face of the earth and leave me alone. When he dumped me… Shit. I’m sorry. You two are friends. Jeez, I forgot. Boy, I just blew it.”

“No, you didn’t blow it. We’re not really very good friends at all. We’re not acquaintances, but we’re not really friends, either. I just get the impression that…”

“Yes?”

“I just get the impression that maybe you’re not really over him. That you’re having trouble letting go of the past.”

He took her hand. She was silent. With her other hand, she fingered the faerie stone she still wore around her neck.

“I want to help you,” he continued. “Despite myself, I’ve found that I like you. A lot. I mean, I really like you, and well, I think that maybe you might like me too…”

She smiled faintly. “Yeah, I do…”

“So, let me help you, okay? Tell me what you want.”

“Paul, I can’t. I don’t really know what I want, now that push comes to shove. I don’t know what to do. I really like you, and I’d like to see where we can go together, but… I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid, is what it comes down to. And I would like your help, Paul. But I need to go slow. If you’re willing to put up with me, that is.”

He smiled and cupped her cheek in his hand. She let go of the faerie stone and pulled him to her in a hug. His embrace was warm and strong. I’ve come home, she thought briefly. This is where I belong.

They spent the rest of the evening talking.

When Tara and Tony returned, the two boys left and Paul kissed Val on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said.

They were both happy and smiling.

***

It was nearing Christmas. Paul had taken to showing up after each of her classes to walk her to the next. On this day, however, he was late. It was her last class of the day, and she was anxious to get home. Instead of waiting for him (“He may have had to finish an exam or something,” she told herself), she headed for the elevator. As she was waiting, hands covered her eyes. A body pressed close to hers. At her ear, a familiar voice said,

“Guess who? He’s short, walks with a limp and has a nervous twitch in his left eye.”

The breath was warm on her ear and gave her excited shivers. She giggled.

“Hi, Paul! I was wondering where you were.”

“Hey, Val.” He pecked her once on the cheek.

After their date at the bowling alley, so long ago it seemed, that’s all he had ventured to do, and Val felt a sudden surge of warmth. Of… love? Was that love she was feeling? She had never thought it possible, after Chris.

She knew now what she had to do. “Hey Paul?”

“Yeah?” He smiled down at her from his towering height.

“You want to go for a walk?”

“Yeah, sure. Anything.”

“Good. There’s a place I want to take you to.”

“Oh? And where might that be?”

“You’ll see,” she said mysteriously.

“Uh oh. Are you going to blindfold me and spin me around in circles, too, so that under torture I can’t tell where we’ve been?”

She laughed, confident that she was doing the right thing.

“No, I trust you,” she said.

When they walked outside, it was drizzling.

“So, where is this place?”

“Out that way.” She waved her hand vaguely.

“It’s raining. It is far?”

“Not that far, Paul. I like the rain. Rain is good. Don’t you think so?”

She heard Paul grumble, but Val smiled. Over the past two months, she had acquired a fondness for his grumbles and moodiness. In return, his obvious affection for her flattered her, made her feel good. Although there was nothing really going on between the two, as Tara put it, they nurtured a growing closeness, and Val now felt ready to go one step further.

When they arrived at their destination, Paul smiled.

“The pier? I’ve always meant to come down here, but I never did.”

 She led him to the guardrail, where she always went to think alone, and once even thought of herself as alone.

“I want to tell you,” she began, “that over these past few weeks, I’ve come to really enjoy being with you. You make me laugh, you comfort me, you make me feel special.” She paused for a moment. “Paul, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Paul laughed and scooped her up in his arms.

“Oh, God, Val. I’m so glad to hear you finally say that! I know it hasn’t been very long that we’ve known each other, but when I first met you, that day when Chris introduced us our freshman year, I knew. I just knew that there was something special between us, even though we didn’t say more than two words to each other.” He hugged her again, but she pushed him away.

“Wait. There’s something else I have to do.” She opened her jacket and took the faerie stone from around her neck. Without looking at it, she hurled it into the water and watched as the waves swallowed it.

“Why’d you do that?”

“Just letting go of the past.”

“What was it?”

“Oh,” she said as brought him close and kissed him happily. “Nothing special. Just an old rock.”